Two Paths; One Choice.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Upon hearing hymns and worship songs at noon on ABC 1, I unexpectedly filled with warmth and strength. I have thought about converting to and joining a religion but there was always some kind of doubt looming within my conscience.

When I first migrated to Australia with my parents, we attended a Christmas church service in the city. I was young and wasn’t quite aware of the significance. The memories I have now are in various fragments. Reflecting back, I can remember light reflecting of ceiling-high stained windows of Jesus and angels, casting a warm joyful glow over the crowd. I remember the church being so packed that people lined up against the stone walls, one after another. I remember the priest talking, but of what content, I don’t recall. Most of all, I remember the singing. Back then, I did not understand much English and struggled with simple words. Although, I remember the atmosphere when the hundreds of people opened their mouths. It was glorious, I tell you. You would think why the domed roof hadn’t lifted off the building itself! The walls were vibrating with all the majestic voices. What they were singing, I didn’t know but just the feeling of being united, feeling like you belonged somewhere, drew me in. Singing together seemed to bring everyone together into one voice. There was no discrimination. No one was left out. It was just this big glorious sound filling up the room.

Some of my friends are Christians and I was part of the religious-education class in year 2 (‘RE’ we called it). My knowledge on the bible is not vast though I know bits and pieces from literature, poems, songs etc. I’ve been asked to join many times, from friends and door-knockers. To be honest, I was sort of half-in-half-out. Part of me really wanted to join and the other half wanted to stay in... the middle. My family is not religious at all and made it pretty clear that they never will be. Perhaps it is my naivety or perhaps my yearning to belong, over the years; I became drawn further to Christianity. Upon listening to the worship songs on TV, I felt... included almost, even though, the documentary was probably filmed earlier this year or before. It features various segments of songs played at a concert with 4000 people singing along. As I observed their faces, they were so dedicated and... so happy. I’m pretty sure some were on the verge of tears as they sang with wide fly-catching mouths and arms waving in out of time. I have never heard the songs before but I mouthed along to the words as well. It seemed to me that I was among the audience, waving my arms and singing along. The songs filled me up with happiness, joy and belief. It gave me strength and support and took away my guilt and sadness, almost like... it poured golden joy into the empty void and sewed up that gaping hole in my heart, and pushed the corners of my lips to meet my eyes. I couldn’t help it... It was such a wonderful sensation and even though it lasted for an hour, for once, despite the time difference and distance, I felt like I belonged to that crowd. It was almost like... I’ve already been converted.

Conversely, there was one problem. I have always been (and will continue) supporting gay rights. Similar to Martin Luther King, I have a dream that the straights, the homosexuals, the transsexuals, and the bisexuals will hold hands, support one another, and live in harmony. I am quite sure that Christianity are against homosexuals, though I have heard of Christians that are homosexual and Christians that support gay rights, but who they are I don’t know.

So whoever it is, please help me out. On one hand, I want to be part of Christianity and have the strength to live life and be guilt-free happy. On the other hand, I don’t want to change my beliefs. My question is as follows: is it possible to be a Christian and still support gay rights?