Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

~Edgar Allan Poe

A to Z (from Phoebe)

A
Available: Maybe.
Age: Almost legal.
Annoyance: Your face.
Animal: Horses.

B
Birthday: Aug 4.
Best Friends: You know who you are.
Best feeling in the world: Being loved.
Been in Love: Yes.
Been on stage: Yes.
Believe in Magic: No.
Believe in Miracles: Yes.
Believe in Santa: No.

C
Candy: Gummy bears &chocolate <3
Color: Shades and blue.
Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate.
Chinese/Mexican: Mexican.... TACOS!
Cake or pie: Cake.
Continent/Country to visit: Europe.... Norway, Italy... <3
Cheese: Mozzarella &Cheddar.

D
Day or night?: Night.
Dance in the rain: Done that today.... well, more like dash to the commonroom from the gym.

E
Eggs: Cooked.
Eyes: Dark brown.... long.... single-eyelid.
Ever failed a class: Yes.

F
Full name: Access Denied.
First thoughts waking up: Rarejakwjra;wlkjer...... *presses snooze button and falls back to sleep*
Food: Italian ftw.

G
Greatest Fear: Spiders &losing my memory.
Goal: To live.
Get along with your parents: Majority of the time.
Good luck charm: Anchor.

H
Hair Color: Black.
Height: 171cm ish.
Happy: Not at the moment.
How do you want to die: I'll figure that out when I get there.

I
Ice Cream: Om nomnomonommm..
Instrument: Clarinet and Piano..... (but I like strings and oboe too <3)

J
Jewelry: Not at the moment.
Job: Being a teenager.

K
Kids: In the future.
Kickboxing or karate: KICKBOXING!!!
Keep a journal: Yes.

L
Longest Car Ride: From Melbourne to Canberra.
Love: Too many.
Letter: Yes.
Laughed so hard you cried: Oh yeah.
M
Milk flavor: Coffee.
Movies: Romanceeeee..... chick flicks..... action.... fantasy <3
Motion Sickness: Fuck yeah.
McD’s or BK: Subway!

N
Number of Siblings: None.
Number of Piercings: One in each ear.
Number: 34

O
One wish: For all those 11.11 wishes to come true.

P
Perfect Pizza: Chicken...... <3
Pepsi/Coke: Coke.

Q
Quote: hahahhahaha i collect these =]

R
Reality TV: Beauty and the Geek? xD Masterchef <3
Radio Station: THE FOXXXXX
Roll your tongue in a circle: a ...circle?
Ring size: Medium i think.

S
Song: Varies.
Shoe size: Biggish.
Salad Dressing: Ceaser.
Skipped school: Yes.
Slept outside: No.
Shower daily: Pretty much.
Sing well: I wish.
Swear: Fuck no.
Strawberries/Blueberries: Both........

T
Time for bed: Whenever~
Thunderstorms: When there is window between us.

U
Unpredictable: I can be.

V
Vacation spot: La-la Land.

W
Weaknesses: Softie.
Worst feeling: That... sinking feeling...................... &others ~
Wanted to be a model: I used to want to.
Worst weather: Humid and hot. Ew.

X
X-Rays: Had them.
Ex's: Kinda.

Y
Year it is now: ...Hmmm.... I wonder.
Yellow: That's me~

Z
Zoo animals: Lomgosh.. those meercats are the cutest little things ever! *squeal*

Formspring.

For those who don't know what happened....:
There is someone out there that apparently thinks that I'm 'fake'.. because I apparently 'flirt'.... and act.. 'innocently'? From the 'Ms Fang' response, I assume that whoever that person is knows me either on Facebook (where my name is 'Liddie Fang') or in real life (on the back on my year 12 jumper, it says 'FANG')..... most likely, both because 99% of my Facebook friends I know in real life.
From their tone, my 'bro' thought that that person may know me ...well? Which is rather hurtful because I only tell personal things about myself to friends that I trust. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's wrong.

'Liddie Fang at the end of the day, it is about who has the strength to ignore the bullshit and not let it affect them. Who cares if I supposedly flirt. At least I have the confidence to be myself and confront life for what it is.'

That's my status on Fb  (:



As one of my close friends suggested, I disabled my Formspring account. I only created the account because I was interested in what people would ask me if their identity is unknown. But, you know what? There are some things that maybe we are not suppose to now. Words can sting. I mean, if you want to me that I'm fake and explain why, come up to me and say it to my face. Because I want to know what people think of me and I know that I'm probably not the most likeable person on this planet.

Eat My Shorts, Chemistry/Psychology Exam.

Rawr. =="
Don't you sometimes just wish life is easier... love is not so complicated... and death may be slightly perhaps a tinsy bit more pleasurable?

There's exactly 13 days until my midyear exams. Oh noes. Oh woes. Where is the Grim Reaper when you need him eh?
Psychology... well, lets just say that I'm slightly more confident than Chemistry...
Had Psych last period and did the short answer section of a practice exam....
"Me: .... oh crap~~ what is the definition of consciousness agaiN????????? *stress stress*"
yeah.. sooooo~~ hi naomi. go do your biol.

lol.. yeah that was my friend who just walked into the library~ rawr.

mmmm.. and chemsitry.
oh crap.
i'm so screwed for that.
haven't done enough exams.....or questions..... haven't really revised apart from the 8 hour lecture on Sunday... (that killed my brain cells)

Mmmm... what else is happening~

Well, there's the guy.... and the other guy.... and some other random person on the train. lawlz.
first guy.. well, he was avoiding me. i logged onto facebook. oh lookie, he got a girlfriend. NO WONDER HE WAS AVOIDING ME..... ==" *facepalm*
mmm.. the second guy I only just found out last night that he likes someone else. so *poof* there goes that one~ plus, he's shorter than me soo... just the slightish tad bit awkward ==" (*rages* WHY ARE GUYS SOO SHORT THESE DAYS. FML)
mmmm... yeah~ the random person.. is .. err.. random .^^" haha.

and there's my best friend (: who's birthday is tomorrow. so if you're reading this (and i'm going to make sure you do)...

HAPPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 8D


...and sorry, you're pressie is coming ^^" promise, brotherdear <3


mmm... yeah. just hope you have an awesome awesome day and enjoy being MATURE now xD rofls~
mmm.... and thanks for everything (: and im always here for you. and yeah. you know the rest (:
lalalal~<3



Signing off guys. bai. x

"You were a dream. Then a reality. Now a memory."

"liddie, you know I like you, you know how important you are to me,
I've told you 3? times before?, I love you, but it's a different love.
Besides, long distance relationships, we've discussed that too,
Perhaps if we were neighbours, it'd be very different, but as it stands, we're not.
And you have your own love-life, right?

Hence, I do love you.
I don't "love" (like love-love) her, I'm grateful to her, and thankful too.
She's a great friend too, and I'm happy to know her.
Between me and her, there've been times when things fell awkward, so like I said in the blog - or rather, I was hinting - that to keep the friendship, to not risk anything, I'll stay by her as a friend.

The situations between me and the both of you are completely different, you can't compare.
So does that answer your question?"

Dear my sweet knight,
Yes, I know how important I am to you and I'm sure you know important you are to me. Well, I hope you do at least. What we have... it's something between a relationship and friendship, no? Yes, I know what you mean when you say that you love me in a different way. Over time, since these years that I've known you, we have grown close and you're right once again, it's probably for the best that we stay the way we are now. We both have experienced the ups and downs of long-distance relationship and we know the unpredictability that it holds.
But there is something that I want you to know. Please, on any occassion, don't feel obligued to not go out with someone because it will make things between us awkward. It's okay. You can think of it like I'm giving you permission... Well, not exactly since I don't necessarily own you in any way. All I'm saying is that if you like someone, go for it. Don't worry about me.
In your loneliness, I'll be there to light your path and comfort you with warmth. Upon this planet, there are over six billion human beings, but we only need a few to comfort us when life is in jeopardy. As long as you let me, I'll help you in everyway that is possible. When you need me, I'm always there with you in spirit. I will always remain as your psycho angel. Nothing will change that.
So, next time you realize you have feelings for someone else, go for it. (: It'll be okay. You won't lose me that easily, my dear. <3



Con affetto, Liddie 'Psycho Angel'

Mish-mash~~

There is this amazing yet potentially devastating emotion. People claim to have felt it. Some embrace it with passion. Others put up barriers to protect themselves for the onslaught of consequences. It has an immense god-like power that can either fill you up with energy or leave you energy-less. It may cause crevasse-like wounds without even lifting a finger, without uttering a syllable. Although, when incorporated with an indefinite amount of time, it is able to reverse the effects and heal the injuries that it had a hand in creating. And this emotion is love.

Love, to me, is giving a specific person a loaded gun, aiming it at point-blank at my heart, safety latch off, and trusting that person will not pull the trigger. You might ask “have anyone pulled the trigger?” and I might answer “yes, more than once”. Do I regret handing over the gun in the first place? No, I don’t. The happy moments will always be locked away in my memory box, brought out occasionally to be reviewed. Each unhappy moment are not forgotten. They’re like scars, a part of me. Cutting them out of my life would be cutting off a piece of me.

Although I generally view love with an optimistic point of view, lately it has not been the case. Watching a friend’s break up gone ugly has made me doubt if all this pain is really worth it. Was all that time sitting alone in the dark, drowning yourself in tears, really worth the period of happiness, where you felt like the most beautiful girl alive and the world is bright and rainbow-colored. In relation to my own experiences, the period of happiness is always shorter than the period of hurt and pain. Perhaps it means that I’m cling to the past too much. Perhaps it means I have a terrible choice of guys. Perhaps it means absolutely nothing at all.

At the moment, there is one guy that I find myself thinking of more frequently than before. Random flashbacks of past events keep ‘popping’ up. I often catch myself thinking of the ‘what if’s and ‘what could have happened if’s… Do I love him? I don’t know. I truly have no clue. Plus, I have already pushed him away for …various reasons. Seems like to me that my heart (or mind) has put up a barrier between love and me. I cannot acknowledge whether I love him or not. All the pieces are in front of me but I’m unable to put them together.
On the contrary, if I do manage somehow to put them together, I know that the relationship would not last for long. Sure, a relationship needs two members (tick) and the attraction (tick), but to have common grounds is extremely vital too. Love itself does not need common grounds, however, a relationship does. What do we talk about? What to do about those awkward silences?
You can only survive on love for a definite period of time… A relationship requires more.

Did this make any sense? Just a bunch of random letters really. Ramblings. Mish-mash. Maybe it made some sense to some and completely none to others. (: doesn’t matter

This is for you and only to you it will mean anything... if you want it to at all.

Time seems to have passed so much since the last time I've talked to you though it only has been a few days...
I'm pretty sure that you're pissed off at me for what happened and as I texted you before, I'm sorry if I seemed forceful (seems like to me~). But then again, texting apologies is pretty lame, no? Perhaps I should have called you and let it ring until you pick up. I did prank you and hoping that you would call me back and everything will be okay. But.... it was not to be. To be honest, half of me was hoping that you wouldn't call me back because then I wouldn't have to pretend or keep apologizing (which I seem to be doing alot lately).
I know that she broke your heart... and it hurts like a bitch. Well, I had my heart broken too and I know what it feels like. To me, it was like I was living in a nightmare that I just could not wake up from and it seemed so impossible that I would ever fall in love with another again. Time past, wounds healed, and against the odds, I did fall in love again. As I told you before, love will heal the wounds that it had a hand in creating but from my experiences, you would not forget the chilling pain and the sleepless nights. You would not forget the betrayal, the hurt, the anger, the tears, the sorrow, the depression, the.... you get the point. I can't tell you that everything will be okay and you would forget about everything because, you won't. At least I haven't forgotten anything from my last relationships. It's almost like the wound has healed but it leaves behind a scar. A scar to remind you of what happened, how you felt, and what to learn from the experience. ....and I have many scars.
I know you need space... *sigh* sorry about that too. We all need space to think "ALONE" and I blindly let my fears fog up my judgement. But that is no excuse. I care... alot and I get worried easily. It's just who I am and nor will I ever change into another to just please one or another. Yes, I'm clingy. Yes, I get attached easily. Yes, I'm emotional. and Yes, friends means the absolute world to me. I would not be here typing this if it weren't for my friends who quite literally kept me alive. Something to live for. Something to take my mind of my life. Something there that I can always turn to and not feel alone.
I didn't intend for this blog to be so long~~ but just bare with me. I guess I just have a lot to say (and a lot of time to kill).
I was cleaning up my room yesterday and I found a notebook that I have only used a few pages. You know what I wrote? Within the glittery cover, I had copied out some of the text-messages you sent me. I had little diagrams too x3 haha. Just reading back, a flood of memories came rushing back (slightly cliche. hush). Even though we only had, what, two days of whatever-it-was together, it meant a lot to me. Well, it's the first time that any member of the male population have ever written a poem for me (two to be exact :P) and nor have I spent over $50 just texting in a few hours! The point of mentioning in the past was just to tell you that you're a special friend to me <3 always have, and always will be.
Even if you decide to never talk to me again, you would have a special place in my memories, just like all the other guys I fell in love with. Yes, you read that right. I hope you're doing okay and having 'holiday' homework keeping you busy. &as you have asked me once, yes, I do believe that you'll get better and yes, I do believe that you would eventually see through your pain and pick yourself up again. Why? Because you're a soilder... a rather arrogant and stubborn and over-confident one too. :P haha.
So, if your decision is to never talk again, then I'll go along with it. No, I don't want it to happen but I don't want to force into a friendship that you don't want to be in. Good luck in the future, not that you would need it because you'll ace everything anyways. And keep being that arrogant, beautiful, caring daredevil-of-a-gentleman that you are. It is who you are and don't you dare let anyone change you. Whoever marries you in the near future will be a very lucky woman. <3
I feel like there's so much to say but I can't seem to get it all out. Like, a lot of people is in a room and they all want to get out at the same time through the only door. Very little comes out. But this blog is already too long and I hope you read this. Whatever happens down the track, you are never alone because you have me always <3 Oxygen and mercury will always be together, right? In your darkest hours, I will be your light if I have to.


Love always, Mercury.