Bittersweet.

Now that exams are almost here, I probably shouldn't be blogging... ^^" haha but really, couldn't resist~ I have exactly 24 days (including this one) until my English Exam and about three weeks until the end of high school. Part of me is thinking YAY FINALLY I HAVE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE "i believe i can fly (8)" but the other part is thinking ....holy crappo.... uni.... :S :S :S.... and the other part is stressing its head off thinking about EXAMS D:::: *stress stress*
Today marks the start of the first day of the last term of the last year of high school. it's not even a proper term. only three weeks. well, the last week we pretty much just muck around and dress up etc.
Ahhh.. the future.
Well, the nearest future is graduation and exams D: grrr.. i figured out that the lowest ENTER i can get is, like, 80........ which i basically can't get into anything (no, im not even considering nursing. nuh uh.).. soo i guess for the next 23 days i have to literally work my butt off. Suppose to write four essays yesterday. None actually written. But tonight HOWEVER. i shall attempt to write one ^^ hehe along with cramming for Psych assessment test tmrw >> grrr.~
I wrote up a timetable too. Pretty much that everyday I have about at least 4 hours of work and about 5-6 hours on the weekend (excl. chem tut which is another 1.5 hour on saturday night). so yeah.... >< im gonna be A ZOMBIEEE when exams are over -.- so tired~~

Enought about study. let's talking about se-... LIFE LIFELIFE =D hahah~~ (if you don't know the song i was suggesting, shame on you)
well, for a teenager like moi at this time of the year, life consists of three things: sleep, vce, and i have to admit, my hormones. well, boys. xD haha.
There was a guy that i did like~ well, like quite alot. but i finally decided that i should let him go.
you see, we had a 'date' at the start of this year and that was the first and last time i've seen him since primary school. during the year, we've talked on phone, text... a lil msn. rather infrequently, i must add. he had girlfriends (though still apparently wanting to be with me, which i still haven't figured out how that works). a few days ago, he sent me a test saying that he does still want to be with me .lahlahlah... *fast forward*...and the last line was "will you be all mine as i am all yours" ... or something like that. i was rather touched by the.. uhh...confession. but don't get excited yet. i texted back saying that theres a chance i might go interstate to study etc. and he texted back saying that guess we'd have to see then. i mean, thats all you say? i asked him what he thought. and that is a pretty vague answer. later on, i talked to him on msn and i said soo what now. and he just kept saying i dont know. everything i say, just kept saying i dont know. so i asked him what that rather emotional text was about then? just some kind of emotional release? and once again, he said i dont know. *rages* so i basically signed off saying that there is no point discussing all this if he doesn't know what to do.
you know, i really thought he wanted this. this relationship, i guess. after i finish exams. but now? he just kept repeating that he doesn't know. so due partly to that indecisiveness, i decided to finally let him go. for once and for all. also i was rather hurt that his long emotional text was hollow. because, in that text, he seemed quite sure of himself. plus, we're too different. opposites attract, but only to an extent.
So now, everytime i think of him and see other couples so loving and into each other, theres that bittersweet sickening feeling in my heart. part of me wants to rip him to pieces and dissolve his remains in concentrated sulfric acid and the other part just wants to run away. away from couples and all this sickly love. rawrajwerjawe;lrwjak. guess i'll be over it soon. i'm a romantic after all. ha.
For now, it's just that bittersweet veil drooping upon my soul. ew. that just sounded really strange. oh well.
back to chem. *sigh*