This is for you and only to you it will mean anything... if you want it to at all.

Time seems to have passed so much since the last time I've talked to you though it only has been a few days...
I'm pretty sure that you're pissed off at me for what happened and as I texted you before, I'm sorry if I seemed forceful (seems like to me~). But then again, texting apologies is pretty lame, no? Perhaps I should have called you and let it ring until you pick up. I did prank you and hoping that you would call me back and everything will be okay. But.... it was not to be. To be honest, half of me was hoping that you wouldn't call me back because then I wouldn't have to pretend or keep apologizing (which I seem to be doing alot lately).
I know that she broke your heart... and it hurts like a bitch. Well, I had my heart broken too and I know what it feels like. To me, it was like I was living in a nightmare that I just could not wake up from and it seemed so impossible that I would ever fall in love with another again. Time past, wounds healed, and against the odds, I did fall in love again. As I told you before, love will heal the wounds that it had a hand in creating but from my experiences, you would not forget the chilling pain and the sleepless nights. You would not forget the betrayal, the hurt, the anger, the tears, the sorrow, the depression, the.... you get the point. I can't tell you that everything will be okay and you would forget about everything because, you won't. At least I haven't forgotten anything from my last relationships. It's almost like the wound has healed but it leaves behind a scar. A scar to remind you of what happened, how you felt, and what to learn from the experience. ....and I have many scars.
I know you need space... *sigh* sorry about that too. We all need space to think "ALONE" and I blindly let my fears fog up my judgement. But that is no excuse. I care... alot and I get worried easily. It's just who I am and nor will I ever change into another to just please one or another. Yes, I'm clingy. Yes, I get attached easily. Yes, I'm emotional. and Yes, friends means the absolute world to me. I would not be here typing this if it weren't for my friends who quite literally kept me alive. Something to live for. Something to take my mind of my life. Something there that I can always turn to and not feel alone.
I didn't intend for this blog to be so long~~ but just bare with me. I guess I just have a lot to say (and a lot of time to kill).
I was cleaning up my room yesterday and I found a notebook that I have only used a few pages. You know what I wrote? Within the glittery cover, I had copied out some of the text-messages you sent me. I had little diagrams too x3 haha. Just reading back, a flood of memories came rushing back (slightly cliche. hush). Even though we only had, what, two days of whatever-it-was together, it meant a lot to me. Well, it's the first time that any member of the male population have ever written a poem for me (two to be exact :P) and nor have I spent over $50 just texting in a few hours! The point of mentioning in the past was just to tell you that you're a special friend to me <3 always have, and always will be.
Even if you decide to never talk to me again, you would have a special place in my memories, just like all the other guys I fell in love with. Yes, you read that right. I hope you're doing okay and having 'holiday' homework keeping you busy. &as you have asked me once, yes, I do believe that you'll get better and yes, I do believe that you would eventually see through your pain and pick yourself up again. Why? Because you're a soilder... a rather arrogant and stubborn and over-confident one too. :P haha.
So, if your decision is to never talk again, then I'll go along with it. No, I don't want it to happen but I don't want to force into a friendship that you don't want to be in. Good luck in the future, not that you would need it because you'll ace everything anyways. And keep being that arrogant, beautiful, caring daredevil-of-a-gentleman that you are. It is who you are and don't you dare let anyone change you. Whoever marries you in the near future will be a very lucky woman. <3
I feel like there's so much to say but I can't seem to get it all out. Like, a lot of people is in a room and they all want to get out at the same time through the only door. Very little comes out. But this blog is already too long and I hope you read this. Whatever happens down the track, you are never alone because you have me always <3 Oxygen and mercury will always be together, right? In your darkest hours, I will be your light if I have to.


Love always, Mercury.

Things About Me (stolen from Oliv <3 )

6 aspirations:

• To get into university and become a dentist.
• To get married and have children. <3
  
• To be the best daughter, mother, wife, friends, best-friend, and 'sister' that I can be.
  
• To become a well-known best-selling author ;D
  
• To live happily.
  
• To be myself and no one else.

5 people close to your heart:

• My parents.
• My grandparents.
• All my close friends (you know who you are :3 )
• All the people that I have loved and in love with and love and continue to love and will love. <3
• My 'sanity'.

4 great friends:

• Oliverrr =D
• Albert. ^^
• Naomi. <3
• Susan. :3
  

3 things you always take with you:

• My 'sanity'.
• Myself.
• My mobile.
  

2 important lessons in life:

• If something terrible, devastating, cruel, upsetting happens, learn to work through it, forgive but never forget, and let go of any anger and grudges.
• Sometimes, your friends and family are the only things you have.
  

1 thing you look forward to everyday:

• Friends. ♥

I can cover my emotions up pretty well and only let you see what I want you to see.
I am emotional.
I will forever support gay rights.
I cherish my friends and family above anything else.
I will do whatever I can in my power to help my friends when they are in need. (feel free to call. open 24hrs, 7days)
I will die for the ones that I love.
When I'm really angry, I don't scream and shout.
I rather give than receive.
I will sacrifice everything for the sake of love. <3
I can be extremely stubborn.
I am extremely tolerant and patient, yet at the same time, I can be extremely impatient.
I don't believe that long-distance relationships are not 'real'.
I worry about my friends alot.
I find it hard to let go.
I find myself rather annoying at times.
I'm too observant for my mental health.
I can be extremely sarcastic.
I have a violent streak.
No matter how much I scream, shout, threaten, I don't have it in me to actually kill someone.
I fall in love and trust way too easily.
...& I care too much, about everything and nothing at all.

My Oliv ;D

Everyday, I meet some pretty wonderful, strange, weird, extraordinary, sweet, caring, cute, handsome friends on the net :] in particular, there is one person that has never given up on me. Even when I forget to reply to his long emails, he emails me out of the blue. The feeling of someone remembering you still exist is something that cannot be easily explained in words... It's kind of like opening an unexpected present... and that lovey-dovey fuzzy-wuzzy feeling :3

Hey Oli (: you know I'm talking about you. haha. well, if you don't, you have to be pretty blind. Thank you for being one of the most wonderful person I have met online... and thank you to your beautiful blog. <3 (just to warn you, I would be saying a lot of 'thank you's :3 )

Thank you for never giving up on me.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for listening to me rant about some boy or whatever girl troubles.
Thank you for being such a sweet caring person.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for putting up with my non-responsive emails or extremely-late emails.
Thank you for being one of the people that I know will always read this.
Thank you for being my rock.
Thank you for being my teddy bear.
Thank you for being the shoulder I come to cry on.
Thank you for being the arms that I hug when I need someone to hold me.
...& you know what makes this so extra-ordinary? You're millions of kilometers away from me, yet you are one of my closest friends.

I love you, Oli and I will always be here for you whenever you need me.



Love always, Liddie.


PS, YOU BETTER COME TO MELBOURNE SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE <3 IFLY <33

Dedications

This was originally in a form of a powerpoint presentation but I typed it out, tweeked it here and there, personalified it <3

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We convince ourselves that life will be better once we find that "special someone" and be swept off our feet.

Then we get frustrated that "special someone" is with someone else and that we keep convincing ourselves to keep searching.

Then we get more frustrated because all our friends have found their "special someone" and we must deal with the lonely movies and for-one dinners.

We tell ourselves our life will be better when we are not alone, when we have moved out, when we have finished university, when we buy that awesome new sporty almost-sitting-on-the-ground ferrari, when we go on a year-long european holiday, when we finally get on with life, when we retire.

The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not, then when? Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and deicde to be happy in spite of it all. Let go off those grudges, take off those rose-tinted glasses and embrace life as it is.

For the longest time, it seemed that life was finally about to start. Real no-parents-nagging no-teachers-screaming-at-you-about-overdue-work life.

But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some (or a lot) work to be finished, some time to be given, one (or five gazzilion) exams to get trough. Then life would start.

I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life.

That point of view helped me see that there isn't any road to happiness. Happines IS the road.

The ultimate goal that we set is the destination.

So enjoy every moment. Get over grudges. Hug the nerd next to you. Stop teasing your friend about his so-called girlfriend.

Stop waiting for school to end, to lose 5 kilograms, to gain 5 kilograms, to get fit, to finish those exams, for work to begin, to get married, for that "special someone", for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for the weather to be better, for spring, for summer, for autumn, for winter, for university, for Christmas, for any other public holidays, for your song to be played on the radio, for your crush to like you back, till you get to hug your pop star, for your 21st, to die, to be reborn... before deciding to be happy.

"Happiness is a voyage, not a destination. There is no better time to be happy than NOW! Live and enjoy the moment" -Unknownn.

Now, think and try to answer these questions (&refrain yourself googling them all):
1- Name the 5 richest people in the world
2- Name the last 5 Miss Universe winners
3- Name the last 10 Nobel Prize winner.
4- Name the last 10 winners of the Best Actor Oscar

Can't do it? Rather difficult, isn't it? (without googling at least xD)

Don't worry, nobody remembers that (unless you are Google).

Applause dies away!

Trophies gather dust!

Winners are soon forgotten.

Now answer these questions:
1- Name 3 or more teachers who contributed to your education.
2- Name 3 or more friends who helped you in your hour of need.
3- Think of a few people who made you feel special.
4- Name 5 or more people that you like to spend time with.

More managaeble? Not so stressful? It's easier, isn't it?

The people who mean something to your life are not rated as "the best"( or the "special one"), don't have to be loaded, haven't won the greatest prizes (unless
you count your heart)...

They are the ones who care about you, take care of you, those who, no matter what, stay close by.

Think about it for a moment. Life is very short.

And you, in which list are you? Don't know?

Let me give you a hand. You are not among the most "famous", but among those to whom I remember to dedicate this message to...

Some time ago, at the Seattle Olympics, nine athletes, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100m race.

The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was necessarily running, but everyone wanted to participate and win.

They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying.

The other eight heard him crying. They slowed down and looked behind them.

They stopped and came back.. All eight of them...

A girl with Down's Syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him and asked "feeling better now?"

Then, all nine, walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line.

The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted for a very long time...

People who witnessed this still talk about it.

Why?

Because deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves.

The most important thing in this life is to help others to win. Even if that means slowing down and changing our own race.

A candle loses nothing if it is used to light another one.

Dedications to (in no particular order):

Naomi, Dollie, Jess, Oliver, Albert, Eric, Dave, Heeyoung, Louise, Isidora, John, Jon, Ellen, Steph, Kelly, James, Jefferey, Kai, Kelvin, Khanh, Lucy, Lulu, Marcus, Dev,
Max, Megan, Jeremy, Michelle, Moyan, Georgia, Nathan, Natalie, Pei, Susan, Susan, Tas, Tuo, Wilson, Zoe, Jenny, Xiu, to everyone at Landmark Education, Theo,
Kurt, Trisha, Leo, Jonathan, Richard, Andrew, Jack, Saizo ('Sarah'), Pei, Alice, Jackson, Joshua, Ricky, Tom, Bri, Jane, Kathy, Nelson, to all my favorite authors
:3 hahah ...., to all the bands whose songs got me through tough times..... <3

Cash Bribes for Teachers?

That's absolutely ridiculous. Teachers get paid cash bonuses due to their stuends' grades? Bribery, that's what it is. Teachers should be able to teach their students without a money-bribe. Should not they aim to see the growth in their students' achievements rather the growth in their bank balance? This is an educational problem and like most things in life, it can not be bought, bribed or sold. There are truly amazing teachers in this state and they do whatever they can in order to benefit their students. For the other teachers that, in comparison, does not work as hard, do your job properly and stop being so selfish. Students in this modern society depend heavily on what teachers teach. Perhaps it is not noticeable now, but give it a few years and when the bubbly teenage students have turned into mature adults, you would see the significant difference.

On another note, not to single people out particularly, there are a portion of students that do not work hard and this has completely abostlutely nothing to do with the teachers' performance. No matter how well the teachers teach (or how much they get paid), their scores drop like a negative expoential graph. With the exception of those with mental disabilities, students should get their butt as well as their mind running to those high scores and meet those deadlines.
Personally, I am terrified of the approaching end of high school and I know that I need to organize my time better. Like many students my I age, I plan for a fruitful life, family (&a few pets), european holidays, and a peaceful retirement. What do I need in order to make my dreams a reality? Money. Therefore, in order to earn the gold, I would need to work hard, achieve an extremely high ENTER, get into university, achieve high scores in university, open up my own business and wooooooooooooooooooooork. So, it's a long hard road (with the hot Melbourne sun beating down), but no pain no gain, right?

One last word, for those that are not so motivated, think of it this way: if you want the golden (literally) life, then you need to work your way out of this tunnel of childhood. All the best~

Yes, I do miss you and what we had.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

So there was a guy that I used to love… well, actually, I still love him, but not in love with him.
Despite the distance between us (him in America and me in Australia), in my opinion, we managed a very close relationship ( : I openly admit that I still don’t know the details of his life very well but thinking back, I don’t think it quite mattered. It was just me, him, and the rest of the cyber-world and it was enough.
He made me feel like the luckiest girl alive and showered me with love that no one I have met in real life had done. He opened me up to a different world where it is acceptable to be clingy at times and to be openly affectionate (rather than keeping it locked away in a dusty old box with creaky hinges). Back then, & please excuse the cliché, he was my life, my soul, my heart. He was the one that I first thought of in the morning and my last thought at night. I would wish upon stars for his wellbeing, his happiness, and most of all, us. Yes, he was everything to me and I could not (& would not) imagine life without.
Unfortunately, as most relationships we experience as teenagers, it ended after a few happy months. I still think of him now and then and I don’t regret anything that had happened. Occasionally, when I feel completely & utterly hopeless and alone, I would even read back over the conversations that I had saved, just to relive the memory, relive the happiness and love.
Now he has his life and I have mine. We are not as close, nor do we talk as much, but as I said then: ‘you will always be a part of my life because you are a part of my memories’. I’m sure whoever he is with now would wholly agree with my views. He truly is one special guy (even though he would never ever admit it himself) and despite his background, he deserves the world. I hope he is happy with his current girlfriend (I know he is <3) and make her feel as special and loved as he made me feel.
Many friends of mine that I have shared this story with perceived the relationship as not ‘an actual relationship’. I don’t necessarily mind their accusations but I do beg to differ.
How would you define ‘an actual relationship’? The warm and fuzzy feeling of being loved and cared for? Seeing your beloved smile and laugh? The closeness?
We had all that and more. I saw him through his words and he saw me through mine. &there was always the endless supply of that warm and fuzzy sensation. In my perception, us humans undermine the power to language and words far to easily. It exceeds the face-to-face boundaries and into the unknown territory of imagination. Whoever that has been in my situation would understand that a cyber-relationship is very different to a ‘real’ one. It really felt then that he was with me… our love was as real and solid as if I could touch it with my hands. I would not be able to count how many ‘I love you’s he had said to me and how many I had returned (though I pretty sure that he said more than me <3). Perhaps to an outsider looking into the shadow of my life, it was just another ‘desperate’ teenage hormone-filled cyber relationship, but to me, it was real and the memories we had would live on forever in my dreams. For me, at least.



Dear Kurt,
If you’re reading this (&I hope you are), thank you for everything. I don’t think everything can even cover the world that you had opened up for me. You were more than just ‘some internet boyfriend’ <3 and I hope you truly know (and believe) that. As time goes by and life drifts on, I hope you live up to your dreams and expectations and reach for those newly-set goals ( : you will reach them, kaa, I know you will~
I just want to let you know that no matter what happens down the track, no matter how alone you feel, you would always have me.
I hope you will continue to be the same beautiful, sweet, stubborn guy that I fell in love with last year pre-xmas because it is who you are and don’t you dare let anybody change you. You’re perfect the way you are.
All the best with life, kaato.


Love always, Liddie.

Ps, don’t forget to sleep, eat, exercise~! After all, you did promise me remember? :3

Well, there goes 5%...

okay.. so methods exam 1 is over... exam 2 next monday D:

im so freaked out man... seriously. exam 1 is straightforward while exam 2 has more twists and turns :S

i need a study score of above 35 but im aiming for above 40 (: but already in exam 1, i've lost at least 5% D:

in one of the questions, it says to antidifferentiate this log base e equation and i remembered all the 1/a and the absolute values but you know what i forgot? i forgot the negative sign because a is NEGATIVE.... I LEFT THAT OUT. the question is worth 2 marks .. so there goes 50% of that >.>


*sighs* i hope i do well in exam 2 . wish me luck world.



con affetto, L.

Two Paths; One Choice.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Upon hearing hymns and worship songs at noon on ABC 1, I unexpectedly filled with warmth and strength. I have thought about converting to and joining a religion but there was always some kind of doubt looming within my conscience.

When I first migrated to Australia with my parents, we attended a Christmas church service in the city. I was young and wasn’t quite aware of the significance. The memories I have now are in various fragments. Reflecting back, I can remember light reflecting of ceiling-high stained windows of Jesus and angels, casting a warm joyful glow over the crowd. I remember the church being so packed that people lined up against the stone walls, one after another. I remember the priest talking, but of what content, I don’t recall. Most of all, I remember the singing. Back then, I did not understand much English and struggled with simple words. Although, I remember the atmosphere when the hundreds of people opened their mouths. It was glorious, I tell you. You would think why the domed roof hadn’t lifted off the building itself! The walls were vibrating with all the majestic voices. What they were singing, I didn’t know but just the feeling of being united, feeling like you belonged somewhere, drew me in. Singing together seemed to bring everyone together into one voice. There was no discrimination. No one was left out. It was just this big glorious sound filling up the room.

Some of my friends are Christians and I was part of the religious-education class in year 2 (‘RE’ we called it). My knowledge on the bible is not vast though I know bits and pieces from literature, poems, songs etc. I’ve been asked to join many times, from friends and door-knockers. To be honest, I was sort of half-in-half-out. Part of me really wanted to join and the other half wanted to stay in... the middle. My family is not religious at all and made it pretty clear that they never will be. Perhaps it is my naivety or perhaps my yearning to belong, over the years; I became drawn further to Christianity. Upon listening to the worship songs on TV, I felt... included almost, even though, the documentary was probably filmed earlier this year or before. It features various segments of songs played at a concert with 4000 people singing along. As I observed their faces, they were so dedicated and... so happy. I’m pretty sure some were on the verge of tears as they sang with wide fly-catching mouths and arms waving in out of time. I have never heard the songs before but I mouthed along to the words as well. It seemed to me that I was among the audience, waving my arms and singing along. The songs filled me up with happiness, joy and belief. It gave me strength and support and took away my guilt and sadness, almost like... it poured golden joy into the empty void and sewed up that gaping hole in my heart, and pushed the corners of my lips to meet my eyes. I couldn’t help it... It was such a wonderful sensation and even though it lasted for an hour, for once, despite the time difference and distance, I felt like I belonged to that crowd. It was almost like... I’ve already been converted.

Conversely, there was one problem. I have always been (and will continue) supporting gay rights. Similar to Martin Luther King, I have a dream that the straights, the homosexuals, the transsexuals, and the bisexuals will hold hands, support one another, and live in harmony. I am quite sure that Christianity are against homosexuals, though I have heard of Christians that are homosexual and Christians that support gay rights, but who they are I don’t know.

So whoever it is, please help me out. On one hand, I want to be part of Christianity and have the strength to live life and be guilt-free happy. On the other hand, I don’t want to change my beliefs. My question is as follows: is it possible to be a Christian and still support gay rights?