Tumblr.

Yes, I have entered into the realm of Tumblr. Seems like I'm cheating on Blogger :P but I promise to still blog sometimes, but Blogger shall be dedicated to my long deep-and-meaningful blogs~
Tumblr is my storage of photos <3

Speaking of which,....

Olidear~ you're on my tumblr ^^             http://stepintomynightmare.tumblr.com/

if you can't find it, search: 'My best friend' <3 hehe :3 love you xx

Love Lost. Actually, what love?

'I miss you' is a phrase too strong to describe what she feels, yet to say 'I don't miss you' is a lie.

내가 항상 여기 있습니다

This image is drawn by a guy that I've only started talking to recently. But so far, I can tell that he is definately one of the sweetest guys I've met. We all have our good and bad points, and as a friend, I accept him for who he is. &despite the short period of time, I trust him already and I hope he knows that I'm here for him if he ever needs me.
We shalt be friends for a very long time.       ( :
Ps, as much as he would beg to differ, he is pretty good looking. *waggles eyebrows* ^^









On a completely different note....

OLIVER HUI. YOU BETTER WE READING THIS. :D

olidear, I hope you can pull yourself out of this one. :\ I know it will be difficult and I'll be supporting you all the way soo you are never ever ever ever alone, okay? If you need someone to talk, I'm just an email away (: haha.

&FFS, STOP PHYSICALLY HARMING YOURSELF OR I WILL PERSONALLY SOMEHOW DITCH MY EXAMS AND GET MYSELF TO ENGLAND TO STOP YOU. :@ BUT, LIKE YOU SAID, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO FAIL, SOO YOU BETTER STOP HARMING YOURSELF. RAWR. i love you <3

CLASS OF 2010. I WILL MISS YOU DEARLY.

Can't believe high school is over. Man, I cried so much during valedictory and final assembly (espesh after the assembly). Hello ...exams... >> .... then UNIVERSITY. YEAH BABY. LETS PARTYYYYYYY <3

To Fintona's Class of 2010,

Thank you for accepting me so easily. Changing from a large co-ed government school to ....a small girl private school was hard. I've definately had my fair share of ups and downs, but in the end, it is the people that I have met and friends that I have made that truly counts. Thank you, each and everyone, for making years 10-12 so incredibly enjoyable and I will miss your happy smiles and easy acceptance. I wish you all the best for not only the coming exams but also university, and especially, life. I know that you will all exceed and I hope that we will keep in touch.

Con affetto, Liddie. xxoo

In the meantime, a few photos for you peeps to enjoy ^^

vampire knight <3

...unfortunately true.. ):

one of my favorite quotes <3

appreciate the little things in life (: 

 i want those white wings *_*

well, i was waiting for something that would never happen... :\

fudgecakes, she's pretty :S swap?

DORYYYYY <3 

hahahhahah i love this image~!

i'll find my significant other. i will. <3

haha bio (: isn't this cute? but i guess only those who know the process of dna can appreciate this :3

another fav image (: that blonde kid is uber cool~

i'm listening~

I am strong. *chants to self* :S

EXACTLY! just do something for the sake of doing it (: because it makes you happy (:

soo true (Y)

how come my wishes never come true? ):

panda ~!

*free hug* :3

arghh spiders D:

wish me luck for exams :S

hehe <3

childhood imagination.... O, that was a wonderful world to be in.

keep hoping. just keep hoping.

sometimes we need to chillax a lil~ me included! 

You know that guy I was talking about in my previous post?

Not the story (duh.), the one before it. Well, somethings have changed. No, I haven't talked to him and never well. But I found out some things........


Which I will post another time when I have the time. 25 minutes to midnight atm. Literature revision lectures from 10am to 3pm. Meeting friends at train station at 8.30am. Maybe I should sleep. Hmm....

The Short Story That Never Won A Prize.

Happy Last Birthday

“Stella?”

A seventeen-year-old Tom pushed the door open a fraction. Inside, the fireplace lay dead but the room was filled with certain warmth. The sickly sweet aroma of vanilla clutched at his throat. Velvet curtains drank in the sunlight. Thick candles burned on the ledge above the fireplace. It flickered as it sensed another being.

On the table was a birthday cake. Halved strawberries nested luxuriously in fluffy piles of whipped cream, resting on the flawless chocolate surface. In white icing, it read ‘Happy Last Birthday.’ A knife lay on its side; glistening dark liquid sheathed the mirror-like blade.

On the bed, a shadowy figure lay on her back, as still as a corpse on the examining table. The only movement was the subtle rise and fall of her diaphragm. An arm draped over the edge, fingertips scrapping the newspaper underneath. A pool of spilt white capsules and an empty blue bottle lay on the bed beside her pale fingers.

“Stella?” whispered Tom, his voice gentle. He took a step closer.

Her long tangled blonde hair created a messy halo around her. Staring blankly, her large childlike eyes were wide open. The chocolate-brown pools held a distinct emptiness; whatever it held was extracted, leaving behind a lifeless shell. It chilled him to the bone. When he called her name again, she looked at him, moving neither her head nor body. Mona Lisa had returned.

Tom fell down beside her. She blinked as if that was the only form of communication she could manage. She looked down. Tracing the phantom path her eyes created, he came upon the dark crimson stains on the sheets of yesterday’s newspaper. It covered part of a dark-haired woman’s smiling face. For a moment, he just stared, his brain unable to function.

Then it hit him like a bag of weights, knocking the breath out of him.

Gingerly, he picked up her wrist, as if it will break and shatter into a million pieces. Smooth stone-cold skin seemed to burn through the skin on his fingers. He fragilely flipped it over and gasped.
A red diagonal line carved into the inside of her wrist; a distinct contrast with her milky translucent skin. Red snakes slithered down her wrist. Tom’s face turned a ghastly shade of white as the image in front of him branded itself into his mind.

Wordless, he searched her eyes with his. Her eyes suddenly flickered as if life was switched on. Emotion flooded her eyes for a moment, but she hastily switched off again. It was as if she was afraid that she showed too much. He swore violently and dug around for his mobile. Locating it in his jeans pocket, he clumsily flicked it open and dialed. His hand shook as he held the phone to his ear.
Stella lay there, inert. Her eyes gradually drooped closed. The dark-blue veins on her eyelids seem to scream out in the candlelight. A fragile, unearthly prettiness surrounded her.

“Emergency? Ambulance please.”

A short pause.

“Can you come down to 34 Austin Street Bulleen? Something terrible has happened to my—” He gazed at her left hand. The large topaz winked at him. Swallowing hard, he continued.

“—my fiancé.”

His hands begun to get clammy. They trembled slightly as he splayed out his fingers on the cool surface of the bamboo floorboards.

“She’s lying on her back. There’s a cut on the inside of her left arm.”
Hot tears burned his eyes, blurring his vision. He hurriedly wiped them away.

“As fast you can...” A whispered plead.

He snapped his phone shut. The loud snap echoed. Taking a shuddering breath, he dragged his eyes to Stella. He did not want to look but it was like a car crash on the road, you just cannot tear your eyes away. Kneeling beside her, he took her right hand in both his hands, placing a kiss on top. Salty tears streamed out from under his eyelids, fusing their skin together. Time seem to stop. It was almost as if God pressed the ‘mute’ button on life. Minutes trickled away, like rainwater down a drain.

Outside, the ambulance screeched to a stop. Neighbors peeped out their windows to observe the commotion. Afraid to be seen, they hurriedly backed away.

The door shook in its hinges under the pounding of fists. Unhurriedly, Tom released Stella’s hand and went to open the door, his eyes never leaving her. They rushed in like a gust of wind.

“Where’s your fiancé?” one of the men demanded.

The question sliced through Tom’s trance like a sharp blade, wincing slightly at the sudden noise.

“On the bed,” he answered flatly, exhaustion finally taking over.

“How long has she---” The questions kept coming.

“I don’t know.”

Routinely, they got to work. A stretcher was brought in and they packed Stella into the ambulance.

“Unconscious. Loss of blood. Possible transfusion. Test for drugs.”

A middle-aged man with warm blue eyes looked at Tom, slightly concerned.

“Son, you comin’ with us?”

“Yeah.” He stared hard at the crinkled surface of the blue bed sheet as if he stared long and hard enough could bring her back, alive and healthy. The man peered at the boy’s forlorn expression.

“You gonna be okay?” His voice softer.

“Yeah,” Tom automatically answered.

“Let’s go.”

Satisfied with the answer, he strode out. His heavy footsteps made the overloaded bookcase tremble violently as if it will topple over. Lingering a moment longer, Tom followed.

He closed the pale blue door with its peeling paint, feeling like he was closing the door to Stella’s life. Dread fell on his shoulders. Would she ever open this door again with her bare hands?

The image of her on the bed, arm dangling over the side, flashed before his eyes. A thin blanket of cold sweat covered his back like a second skin. He tried to shake off the image, but it clung on with its filthy hands and claws, dragging him down into despair’s gloomy depths.

As the sun settled behind the city’s skyscrapers in the distance, the ambulance raced off down the gravelly road. It attempted to save one life, but oblivious to the fact that, in the end, it will also take another; killing two birds with one stone.

Bittersweet.

Now that exams are almost here, I probably shouldn't be blogging... ^^" haha but really, couldn't resist~ I have exactly 24 days (including this one) until my English Exam and about three weeks until the end of high school. Part of me is thinking YAY FINALLY I HAVE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE "i believe i can fly (8)" but the other part is thinking ....holy crappo.... uni.... :S :S :S.... and the other part is stressing its head off thinking about EXAMS D:::: *stress stress*
Today marks the start of the first day of the last term of the last year of high school. it's not even a proper term. only three weeks. well, the last week we pretty much just muck around and dress up etc.
Ahhh.. the future.
Well, the nearest future is graduation and exams D: grrr.. i figured out that the lowest ENTER i can get is, like, 80........ which i basically can't get into anything (no, im not even considering nursing. nuh uh.).. soo i guess for the next 23 days i have to literally work my butt off. Suppose to write four essays yesterday. None actually written. But tonight HOWEVER. i shall attempt to write one ^^ hehe along with cramming for Psych assessment test tmrw >> grrr.~
I wrote up a timetable too. Pretty much that everyday I have about at least 4 hours of work and about 5-6 hours on the weekend (excl. chem tut which is another 1.5 hour on saturday night). so yeah.... >< im gonna be A ZOMBIEEE when exams are over -.- so tired~~

Enought about study. let's talking about se-... LIFE LIFELIFE =D hahah~~ (if you don't know the song i was suggesting, shame on you)
well, for a teenager like moi at this time of the year, life consists of three things: sleep, vce, and i have to admit, my hormones. well, boys. xD haha.
There was a guy that i did like~ well, like quite alot. but i finally decided that i should let him go.
you see, we had a 'date' at the start of this year and that was the first and last time i've seen him since primary school. during the year, we've talked on phone, text... a lil msn. rather infrequently, i must add. he had girlfriends (though still apparently wanting to be with me, which i still haven't figured out how that works). a few days ago, he sent me a test saying that he does still want to be with me .lahlahlah... *fast forward*...and the last line was "will you be all mine as i am all yours" ... or something like that. i was rather touched by the.. uhh...confession. but don't get excited yet. i texted back saying that theres a chance i might go interstate to study etc. and he texted back saying that guess we'd have to see then. i mean, thats all you say? i asked him what he thought. and that is a pretty vague answer. later on, i talked to him on msn and i said soo what now. and he just kept saying i dont know. everything i say, just kept saying i dont know. so i asked him what that rather emotional text was about then? just some kind of emotional release? and once again, he said i dont know. *rages* so i basically signed off saying that there is no point discussing all this if he doesn't know what to do.
you know, i really thought he wanted this. this relationship, i guess. after i finish exams. but now? he just kept repeating that he doesn't know. so due partly to that indecisiveness, i decided to finally let him go. for once and for all. also i was rather hurt that his long emotional text was hollow. because, in that text, he seemed quite sure of himself. plus, we're too different. opposites attract, but only to an extent.
So now, everytime i think of him and see other couples so loving and into each other, theres that bittersweet sickening feeling in my heart. part of me wants to rip him to pieces and dissolve his remains in concentrated sulfric acid and the other part just wants to run away. away from couples and all this sickly love. rawrajwerjawe;lrwjak. guess i'll be over it soon. i'm a romantic after all. ha.
For now, it's just that bittersweet veil drooping upon my soul. ew. that just sounded really strange. oh well.
back to chem. *sigh*

There are times where we have to be selfish.

Ever since I was young, I’ve been scared of the dark. Well, not technically the dark. More like what is in the dark. I remember watching The Mummy with my parents when I was in primary school. I remember going to bed with the image of a decomposed body wrapped in bandages coming to get me and bugs that eat you from the inside out. I remember waking up screaming because I had a nightmare where I had bugs crawling underneath my skin. Hundreds of them. Thousands perhaps. From then on, I’ve watched a few with ghosts and dead people. Freaked the living daylights out of me. Still do.

But I’ve realized something today. Well, tonight. Not long ago. I’ve realized after having another argument with mum about the internet-thing. Recently, I’ve decided that I should have internet on my laptop because I’ve decided that I am going to put the foot down about this messing around business and hardcore the next few weeks leading up to the exams. But on the holidays, I need a (cheap) way to contact friends about exam questions and email my tutor or teachers about questions. But most of all, I believe that I can control myself. No more messing about and really knuckle down and study. Excuse the clichés.

While getting ready for shower, I’ve realized that it really doesn’t matter what other people think. It doesn’t matter that mum thinks that I’m just going to mess around and not work now that I have the computer. I mean, if I was her and due to my track record, I’ll probably be thinking the same thing. It doesn’t matter what my friends, family, teachers, tutors, that guy I met on the bus think about me. What really counts is me. Selfish as it sounds, think about it. This year is my final year at high school. Exams are fast approaching like a runaway train. As much as I like to extend time and fit more practice exams in, I want exams to come so I can prove to others, but mainly myself what I can do. Afterall, this is my life. I have to start taking responsibility. I have to stop blaming other people for my faults. I need to accept my good and bad, and run with it. Make it something big and be satisfied. It doesn’t matter if your teacher secretly doesn’t think you’ll even get to uni, because you’re not trying to satisfy them. My biggest realization is that whatever I’m doing from now forth is for me, myself and I. Not anybody else. Not to please mum and dad, teachers and tutors. Not to show off to my friends. But for me. I am after all my worst enemy and strongest critic. Maybe being hard on myself is a good thing.

In relation to what I said at the start, I’m not scared what’s in the dark. I’m scared of the future and what is coming. Because I don’t know what is coming, it’s dark. But if I have confidence in myself and brush off all the judgments that are weighing me down, I’m going to sprint into that darkness and not be afraid. In the word of Robert Frost, ‘let the night be too dark for me to see, let what will be be’. I have no control what life is going to throw at me, but I do have control of the present. However, in order to gain control of the present, I need to trust my own judgment and acknowledge that life isn’t going to be a breeze. Most of all, I need to accept myself. This is who I am. I don’t need the world’s judgments to define who I am. I am I. Nothing and no one can change my life unless I allow them to. Before gaining the approval of society, I need to gain the approval from myself. And in order to do that, I need true self-belief and hard work. From this, I will gain my confidence and my own approval. This is what will shield me from society’s arrows and it is a shield that cannot be broken.

You can be the angel that I see in my dreams.

Auburn- Perfect Two Remix (ft. Tommy C)




(Verse 1)
You can the peanut butter to jelly
You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly
You can be the captain
I can be your first mate
You can be the chills thats I feel on our first date

You can be the hero
I can be your side kick
You can be the tear
That I cry if we ever split
You can be the rain from the cloud when its storming
or u can be the sun when it shines in the morning

(Pre-hook)
Dont know if I could ever be
w/out u cause boy u complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see,
that we're all we need

Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
and you're the one I wanna marry
(Hook)
Cause you're the one for me for me (for me)
and Im the one for you for u (for u)
u take the both of us of us (of us)
and were the perfect two

Were the perfect two
Were the perfect two
Baby me and you
were the perfect two

(Verse 2)
You can be the lyrics and I can be the melody
You can be the second voice and I can be the harmony
You can be the angel that I see in my dreams
You can be the chocolate on my ice cream

You can be sweet and I can be sour
You can come here any second and leave any hour
You can be a rose or any given flower
And I can be the rain if you need a shower

(Pre-hook)
Dont know if I could ever be
w/out u cause girl u complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see,
that we're all we need

Cause you're the apple of my eye
You're the halle to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
and you're the one i wanna marry
(Hook)
Cause you're the one for me for me (for me)
and Im the one for you for u (for u)
u take the both of us of us (of us)
and were the perfect two

(Bridge)
You know that Ill never doubt ya
and you know that I think about ya
and you know I cant live without ya

I love the way that u smile
and maybe in just a while
i can see me walk down the aisle

(Pre-hook)
Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
and you're the one i wanna marry

(Hook)
Cause you're the one for me for me (for me)
and Im the one for you for u (for u)
u take the both of us of us (of us)
and were the perfect two

Wow. This is actually reallyreally accurate. *-*

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Desert Places

Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast

In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.

The woods around it have it—it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs.
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The loneliness includes me unawares.

And lonely as it is that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it be less—
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars—on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.

~Robert Frost

Acceptance

When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud

And goes down burning into the gulf below,
No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud
At what has happened. Birds, at least must know
It is the change to darkness in the sky.
Murmuring something quiet in her breast,
One bird begins to close a faded eye;
Or overtaken too far from his nest,
Hurrying low above the grove, some waif
Swoops just in time to his remembered tree.
At most he thinks or twitters softly, 'Safe!
Now let the night be dark for all of me.
Let the night bee too dark for me to see
Into the future. Let what will be, be.'

~Robert Frost

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

~Edgar Allan Poe

A to Z (from Phoebe)

A
Available: Maybe.
Age: Almost legal.
Annoyance: Your face.
Animal: Horses.

B
Birthday: Aug 4.
Best Friends: You know who you are.
Best feeling in the world: Being loved.
Been in Love: Yes.
Been on stage: Yes.
Believe in Magic: No.
Believe in Miracles: Yes.
Believe in Santa: No.

C
Candy: Gummy bears &chocolate <3
Color: Shades and blue.
Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate.
Chinese/Mexican: Mexican.... TACOS!
Cake or pie: Cake.
Continent/Country to visit: Europe.... Norway, Italy... <3
Cheese: Mozzarella &Cheddar.

D
Day or night?: Night.
Dance in the rain: Done that today.... well, more like dash to the commonroom from the gym.

E
Eggs: Cooked.
Eyes: Dark brown.... long.... single-eyelid.
Ever failed a class: Yes.

F
Full name: Access Denied.
First thoughts waking up: Rarejakwjra;wlkjer...... *presses snooze button and falls back to sleep*
Food: Italian ftw.

G
Greatest Fear: Spiders &losing my memory.
Goal: To live.
Get along with your parents: Majority of the time.
Good luck charm: Anchor.

H
Hair Color: Black.
Height: 171cm ish.
Happy: Not at the moment.
How do you want to die: I'll figure that out when I get there.

I
Ice Cream: Om nomnomonommm..
Instrument: Clarinet and Piano..... (but I like strings and oboe too <3)

J
Jewelry: Not at the moment.
Job: Being a teenager.

K
Kids: In the future.
Kickboxing or karate: KICKBOXING!!!
Keep a journal: Yes.

L
Longest Car Ride: From Melbourne to Canberra.
Love: Too many.
Letter: Yes.
Laughed so hard you cried: Oh yeah.
M
Milk flavor: Coffee.
Movies: Romanceeeee..... chick flicks..... action.... fantasy <3
Motion Sickness: Fuck yeah.
McD’s or BK: Subway!

N
Number of Siblings: None.
Number of Piercings: One in each ear.
Number: 34

O
One wish: For all those 11.11 wishes to come true.

P
Perfect Pizza: Chicken...... <3
Pepsi/Coke: Coke.

Q
Quote: hahahhahaha i collect these =]

R
Reality TV: Beauty and the Geek? xD Masterchef <3
Radio Station: THE FOXXXXX
Roll your tongue in a circle: a ...circle?
Ring size: Medium i think.

S
Song: Varies.
Shoe size: Biggish.
Salad Dressing: Ceaser.
Skipped school: Yes.
Slept outside: No.
Shower daily: Pretty much.
Sing well: I wish.
Swear: Fuck no.
Strawberries/Blueberries: Both........

T
Time for bed: Whenever~
Thunderstorms: When there is window between us.

U
Unpredictable: I can be.

V
Vacation spot: La-la Land.

W
Weaknesses: Softie.
Worst feeling: That... sinking feeling...................... &others ~
Wanted to be a model: I used to want to.
Worst weather: Humid and hot. Ew.

X
X-Rays: Had them.
Ex's: Kinda.

Y
Year it is now: ...Hmmm.... I wonder.
Yellow: That's me~

Z
Zoo animals: Lomgosh.. those meercats are the cutest little things ever! *squeal*

Formspring.

For those who don't know what happened....:
There is someone out there that apparently thinks that I'm 'fake'.. because I apparently 'flirt'.... and act.. 'innocently'? From the 'Ms Fang' response, I assume that whoever that person is knows me either on Facebook (where my name is 'Liddie Fang') or in real life (on the back on my year 12 jumper, it says 'FANG')..... most likely, both because 99% of my Facebook friends I know in real life.
From their tone, my 'bro' thought that that person may know me ...well? Which is rather hurtful because I only tell personal things about myself to friends that I trust. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's wrong.

'Liddie Fang at the end of the day, it is about who has the strength to ignore the bullshit and not let it affect them. Who cares if I supposedly flirt. At least I have the confidence to be myself and confront life for what it is.'

That's my status on Fb  (:



As one of my close friends suggested, I disabled my Formspring account. I only created the account because I was interested in what people would ask me if their identity is unknown. But, you know what? There are some things that maybe we are not suppose to now. Words can sting. I mean, if you want to me that I'm fake and explain why, come up to me and say it to my face. Because I want to know what people think of me and I know that I'm probably not the most likeable person on this planet.

Eat My Shorts, Chemistry/Psychology Exam.

Rawr. =="
Don't you sometimes just wish life is easier... love is not so complicated... and death may be slightly perhaps a tinsy bit more pleasurable?

There's exactly 13 days until my midyear exams. Oh noes. Oh woes. Where is the Grim Reaper when you need him eh?
Psychology... well, lets just say that I'm slightly more confident than Chemistry...
Had Psych last period and did the short answer section of a practice exam....
"Me: .... oh crap~~ what is the definition of consciousness agaiN????????? *stress stress*"
yeah.. sooooo~~ hi naomi. go do your biol.

lol.. yeah that was my friend who just walked into the library~ rawr.

mmmm.. and chemsitry.
oh crap.
i'm so screwed for that.
haven't done enough exams.....or questions..... haven't really revised apart from the 8 hour lecture on Sunday... (that killed my brain cells)

Mmmm... what else is happening~

Well, there's the guy.... and the other guy.... and some other random person on the train. lawlz.
first guy.. well, he was avoiding me. i logged onto facebook. oh lookie, he got a girlfriend. NO WONDER HE WAS AVOIDING ME..... ==" *facepalm*
mmm.. the second guy I only just found out last night that he likes someone else. so *poof* there goes that one~ plus, he's shorter than me soo... just the slightish tad bit awkward ==" (*rages* WHY ARE GUYS SOO SHORT THESE DAYS. FML)
mmmm... yeah~ the random person.. is .. err.. random .^^" haha.

and there's my best friend (: who's birthday is tomorrow. so if you're reading this (and i'm going to make sure you do)...

HAPPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 8D


...and sorry, you're pressie is coming ^^" promise, brotherdear <3


mmm... yeah. just hope you have an awesome awesome day and enjoy being MATURE now xD rofls~
mmm.... and thanks for everything (: and im always here for you. and yeah. you know the rest (:
lalalal~<3



Signing off guys. bai. x

"You were a dream. Then a reality. Now a memory."

"liddie, you know I like you, you know how important you are to me,
I've told you 3? times before?, I love you, but it's a different love.
Besides, long distance relationships, we've discussed that too,
Perhaps if we were neighbours, it'd be very different, but as it stands, we're not.
And you have your own love-life, right?

Hence, I do love you.
I don't "love" (like love-love) her, I'm grateful to her, and thankful too.
She's a great friend too, and I'm happy to know her.
Between me and her, there've been times when things fell awkward, so like I said in the blog - or rather, I was hinting - that to keep the friendship, to not risk anything, I'll stay by her as a friend.

The situations between me and the both of you are completely different, you can't compare.
So does that answer your question?"

Dear my sweet knight,
Yes, I know how important I am to you and I'm sure you know important you are to me. Well, I hope you do at least. What we have... it's something between a relationship and friendship, no? Yes, I know what you mean when you say that you love me in a different way. Over time, since these years that I've known you, we have grown close and you're right once again, it's probably for the best that we stay the way we are now. We both have experienced the ups and downs of long-distance relationship and we know the unpredictability that it holds.
But there is something that I want you to know. Please, on any occassion, don't feel obligued to not go out with someone because it will make things between us awkward. It's okay. You can think of it like I'm giving you permission... Well, not exactly since I don't necessarily own you in any way. All I'm saying is that if you like someone, go for it. Don't worry about me.
In your loneliness, I'll be there to light your path and comfort you with warmth. Upon this planet, there are over six billion human beings, but we only need a few to comfort us when life is in jeopardy. As long as you let me, I'll help you in everyway that is possible. When you need me, I'm always there with you in spirit. I will always remain as your psycho angel. Nothing will change that.
So, next time you realize you have feelings for someone else, go for it. (: It'll be okay. You won't lose me that easily, my dear. <3



Con affetto, Liddie 'Psycho Angel'

Mish-mash~~

There is this amazing yet potentially devastating emotion. People claim to have felt it. Some embrace it with passion. Others put up barriers to protect themselves for the onslaught of consequences. It has an immense god-like power that can either fill you up with energy or leave you energy-less. It may cause crevasse-like wounds without even lifting a finger, without uttering a syllable. Although, when incorporated with an indefinite amount of time, it is able to reverse the effects and heal the injuries that it had a hand in creating. And this emotion is love.

Love, to me, is giving a specific person a loaded gun, aiming it at point-blank at my heart, safety latch off, and trusting that person will not pull the trigger. You might ask “have anyone pulled the trigger?” and I might answer “yes, more than once”. Do I regret handing over the gun in the first place? No, I don’t. The happy moments will always be locked away in my memory box, brought out occasionally to be reviewed. Each unhappy moment are not forgotten. They’re like scars, a part of me. Cutting them out of my life would be cutting off a piece of me.

Although I generally view love with an optimistic point of view, lately it has not been the case. Watching a friend’s break up gone ugly has made me doubt if all this pain is really worth it. Was all that time sitting alone in the dark, drowning yourself in tears, really worth the period of happiness, where you felt like the most beautiful girl alive and the world is bright and rainbow-colored. In relation to my own experiences, the period of happiness is always shorter than the period of hurt and pain. Perhaps it means that I’m cling to the past too much. Perhaps it means I have a terrible choice of guys. Perhaps it means absolutely nothing at all.

At the moment, there is one guy that I find myself thinking of more frequently than before. Random flashbacks of past events keep ‘popping’ up. I often catch myself thinking of the ‘what if’s and ‘what could have happened if’s… Do I love him? I don’t know. I truly have no clue. Plus, I have already pushed him away for …various reasons. Seems like to me that my heart (or mind) has put up a barrier between love and me. I cannot acknowledge whether I love him or not. All the pieces are in front of me but I’m unable to put them together.
On the contrary, if I do manage somehow to put them together, I know that the relationship would not last for long. Sure, a relationship needs two members (tick) and the attraction (tick), but to have common grounds is extremely vital too. Love itself does not need common grounds, however, a relationship does. What do we talk about? What to do about those awkward silences?
You can only survive on love for a definite period of time… A relationship requires more.

Did this make any sense? Just a bunch of random letters really. Ramblings. Mish-mash. Maybe it made some sense to some and completely none to others. (: doesn’t matter